Internal
In my 12th Grade English final a couple months ago, (and yes, it is a weird schedule, but I attended online school, so...) I was asked to write anything that I wanted to, but it had to be well-structured and carried weight behind it. For some reason, I was really bothered by this assignment. I wasn't even sure why. Usually, for an assignment, we'd be confined to some cookie-cutter mold, and this final was actually giving me freedom to express my writing ability in any way that I chose. I soon realized that I was afraid. I was afraid of writing the wrong thing. You see, I don't handle failure well. When life knocks you down, you get back up.
Unless you're me. Then you curl up in a corner and start whimpering like a baby. Being the artistic genius that I am - please note the sarcasm in that - I decided that I'd write about that. I'd write about how, when I pretend to stand back up, I'm really cowering inside. I'm a coward. Well, sometimes. I suppose that if I'm willing to share this, then maybe I'm not so cowardly. Then again, dear reader, you may not even exist. I may be writing to nobody. There's no harm in sharing these things with nobody, is there? So maybe I am a coward, then. I digress, and I hope that I haven't scared you away with my nonsensicality (is that even a word?).
Below is the result of the assignment.
I woke up today.
Unless you're me. Then you curl up in a corner and start whimpering like a baby. Being the artistic genius that I am - please note the sarcasm in that - I decided that I'd write about that. I'd write about how, when I pretend to stand back up, I'm really cowering inside. I'm a coward. Well, sometimes. I suppose that if I'm willing to share this, then maybe I'm not so cowardly. Then again, dear reader, you may not even exist. I may be writing to nobody. There's no harm in sharing these things with nobody, is there? So maybe I am a coward, then. I digress, and I hope that I haven't scared you away with my nonsensicality (is that even a word?).
Below is the result of the assignment.
I woke up today.
Ev’rything the same
Not a thing disturbed
Went about my day
Lost a single tear
Rolling down my face
Mourning what I’ve lost
Giving in - to fear
The light’s on outside
The paint - well maintained
The yard’s up to code
No one sees me hide
I won’t scream at you
In jeopardy, duress
Even though I choke
I don’t try to chew
When I act the same,
They can’t see what’s there
A fine mask covers
The words that place blame
Try to ignore them,
Hope these cuts will fade
Purple, black, and blue
Marks that you’ll condemn
The lights are left on,
But nobody’s home
Don’t try to see me
Don’t look past the con
Scared of what one’ll see
If one’d search my eyes
So I stand in shade
Nothing here is free
I used to stand proud
Until I found I’m
A broken person
Now I’m in the crowd
Behind these fences
Anonymity
Helps internalize
All my diff’rences
Keep building these walls
While I lurk within
Hoarding my treasures
Just let them miscall
Someone else to friends
Self within in squall
Self without is blank
Please let my brain end
By Chandler Currier
Here's what my instructor said, in case you were interested:
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